I’m in the middle of a mess in my mind.
I’m a fixer.
A connector.
Sometimes I take on too many emotions.
I feel their sadness so much and become desperate to help.
I run around in circles in my mind.
I don’t like to disappoint people.
When I try to help too much, I find myself in a mess.
I make too many promises I can’t fulfill and that causes more disappointment.
Which causes more distress to me and to others around me.
Anger, distrust, tears, sadness.
You can see how this results in a downward spiral.
Then what do I say to myself?
I’m so dumb!
Why did I say I could/would do that?
Now everyone is upset with me and won’t trust me!
I do this every time!
Now they think I don’t care!
Crying and sad
What’s the point if people don’t trust me or feel I care?
I’m not worth anything!

When you start questioning your worth, you know you’re in trouble. When you get this far I hope warning bells go off in your brain,

So what to do?

First is prevention?
Who, what, where, when, why and how long?
Decide this ahead of time. Then the hard part, Stick to it!
Tell yourself by doing this you are loving those on your priority list and loving those you say no to because they aren’t going to get a “half done” you. Then they are free to find someone who can really help them.

What about after the fact. You’ve already over promised because we still make mistakes even with the boundaries. You have to say you can’t and you know the repercussions may be bad,
Whatever their reaction may be you can only control yourself.

The biggest thing here is regulating emotion. Keeping the facts straight (facts being the circumstances everyone can agree on and exact quotes) next your thoughts about what happened. Your emotions will come from these thoughts. These emotions control your actions.You may be sad. Allow yourself to be sad. Be angry if you need to but in a safe place like when you’re alone in your car. Another way to help is to journal. Journaling can help you get to your core reason as to why you do this or feel this way, Get out the negative. Say everything you need to say and then burn or destroy the paper. We don’t want it to hurt others. It stops with us.

We all will mess up again and again. Sometimes we’ll handle it well and sometimes we won’t. It’s ok to just be ok and it’s ok to not be ok and take some time for yourself. It really does all work out when you give it time and don’t feed the negative
Much love